A few weeks ago a full circle in my life came to an end. I was out there in my garden talking to the universe as I do each morning with my cup of tea. Yes I believe that the universe still talks to those who listen and those who still attempt to talk to her.
This day she said nothing. I figured she was busy. But just as I was to move from my favourite spot in my garden, under the yellow flowered tree, the word ‘Kairos’ blew in as whisper, with a gush of wind. What I could barely hear at first, gradually multiplied and echoed throughout the once perfectly yellow space.
Kairos… A word in the most mythical of languages that meant the ‘supreme time’, or ‘opportune moment’. When everything was quiet and the wind died down again a single yellow flower landed on my lap. Strange. Strange as this was the cycle of winter, and the tree only bloomed during the cycles of summer. Yellow being the only colour I could see as is, I placed it on the damp earth and imagined it giving the dark brown shades, I could not see for the life of me, a tinge of colour. A single light, in a sea of dark was the first thing you’d always see. And on the other side inverted… a single speck of dust, on a pure white coat of snow. I called up Talia a few days later and thus this all began.
I don’t see the world like most people do… literally because I am colourblind and my mind processes things rather strangely as I’ve been told many times. Thus I’m really not sure how successful this will be. I’ve tried most times alone, by the lack of choice, to accomplish something, to materialize a dream and many times it has just wandered off into the night and that is all I saw of it. Perhaps elsewhere in the universe it was needed.
Or perhaps I failed because of fear… fear of what the world would have to say and think once they saw some of my deeper thoughts. Thoughts full of secrets and strangeness. Fear of being even further isolated in a world full of people. I’ve hated the world many times, but I also found love, the true kind, and likewise sometimes lost it. I learnt that beauty hides even in the most negative of spaces. I learnt that without darkness there is no purpose for light. And without light there is no purpose for darkness.
So this time, maybe for the last time, I pull it all out from the darkest corners of my soul and bring it out into the bright light of day… where perhaps, it will bloom like a lotus out of the dirty muddy waters of a pond, my mother always told me to remember that lotus. And perhaps it will find some purpose in the waking world. Perhaps it will inspire, entangle, speak and god forbid heal or give hope to a few other bruised and battered souls. I hope. I hope so dearly.
If not then at least some of these thoughts will be out there, and it will be safer perhaps. I’ve lost a lot of things, including material, thoughts, pictures, writings and those I will never find again nor will they ever see the light of day- I do not want that all over again. I have my own ghosts and angels that needs immortalizing. Maybe this is what that is.
I dreamt a lot as a kid. Perhaps too much. I was exposed to a lot of things maybe children shouldn’t see. And I learnt that the world was harsh. My dreams kept me alive and gave me hope. I still dream and I still imagine. I still have imaginary friends, perhaps some of them more real than people who claim to be real friends. And now this is the time to release some of those dreams and thoughts and energies that have been trapped inside for so long. A soul cleanse. Kairos indeed.
Today I will hope that perhaps one day that this dream I am about to release into the waking world will get picked up and someone will believe in it and fund it, promote it and support it so that we can get it out there to even more people in all its glory as I imagine it. I promise myself that if one day that does happen, anyone who contributed even a single thought will be made a part of it in some way. Till such a day comes we will do our best to keep things afloat because for me, this will never be about living in castles in the sky nor about endless amounts of little green paper. It is about being human, finding ourselves, finding love again, humanity that we have forgotten. It is about believing and dreaming and stopping all this mindless destruction. It is about feeling enough pure emotion once again to save our brothers and sisters trapped in living nightmares. It is about saving the glorious beasts that live within the four elements of mother. It is about saving the earth and ourselves along with it.
Remember there is always beauty, there is always hope, all you must do is dream. For it is only then that our souls will transcend and break free beyond the walls of our conditioned little minds, to accept, to be kind to understand, live and love. And at the end of it all to return to the universe as pure positive energy.
We all have purpose. We are all guardians. We are all angels. We are all gods if we choose to be. Believe.