Quite a few people who follow my conservation work have been edging to get a reaction out of me regarding the slaughter of Cecil The Lion. I honestly did not react with any surprise as I hear plenty of similar stories almost everyday. Some that are even more gruesome and inhumane than this. The fact that an iconic animal has been the victim this time around has brought trophy and big game hunting a lot of heat. We’ve been constantly speaking about the need for iconic animal personalities to create awareness for years over at Sri Lanka Elephant. However this awareness comes at the price of death and the death of one of these iconic personalities, a soul who was a friend. The question we must ask ourselves is how many more of these already threatened animals must die before we actually do something about it as a civilized, guardian species.
On the hunting matter I personally think we need to stop signing every other random petition and outcry on the web. Realistically it is going to do nothing. Instead perhaps we should work towards a more plausible solution. The world after all will never abolish this strange ritual (specially as there is lots of money involved in it) and it will keep on happening as long as there is a demand for it. So instead of completely opposing the problem head on why not change the dynamic? Change the rules of engagement. Turn it into a real HUNT (in true fashion of the word) for these strange lot of humans who can’t get erections and refuse to take any pills for it. (Thank you Jimmy Kimmel Live for that little piece of gold). Let the countries who still want to have these backward ideals and allow these inhumane acts continue to have them but lets standardize the laws and how it is done. The new rules for example can read (We really ought to get Chuck Palahniuk to do this bit but oh well) :
1. No shoes, no shirts, no fancy gear.
2. You get dropped off at the edge of the wild.
3. You put together your tools in the wild using whatever you can scavenge.
4. You eat whatever you can find.
5. You track your prey and hunt it alone.
6. You have to make it out of the jungle with or without your trophy on your own.
7. If the wild claims you, you belong to the wild; no one is going to come and save you.
And there we have it – come out of that alive and that should prove your misguided sense of superiority/manliness…erm… well to no one. But heck… still… if you survive, voila! The lack of an erection will be the last of your concerns. A $50,000 well spent and an experience for a lifetime, maybe two.
As for this murdering dentist considering he’s killed the alpha male of the pack he should be taken back to Zimbabwe and put in the jungle with the all new rules and regulations in affect. I’m sure there will be a few of the felines who’d offer a fair challenge to this new ‘alpha’. For good measure and to be really fair to the dentist we should also stick an arrow in his left butt cheek and let him wonder around for a day before putting him amongst the pack.
On a side note – If you are a hunter like our dentist while your erection problems may have be rectified after the extremely heroic act of killing a defenceless animal in cold blood, you will now be victim to yet another problem – Trying to satisfy your re-kindled nether regions. As you can see I’m sure Neil Gaiman isn’t the only who’s going to turn you down once your erectile dysfunction deeds go viral.
@margaretcho I will not. I do not have sex with murderous dentists.
— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) July 28, 2015
Whether this is satirical or not would purely be in the eye of the beholder. If you really want to do something about the plight of the animals adopt one or donate to the many programs that good people are doing on the other side of the spectrum. All I say is make the change you want to in whatever small way.
Feature image by African Bush Camps #gamehunting #CecilTheLion